Friday, August 29, 2008

of friendship and jealousy

current mode~devastated,sad

how do u feel if someone you know best suddenly talk bad about you at the back??when you yourself hadn't done anything wrong to him or her???and you heard each and every words they're saying???clearly??

i have experienced it and i know how it felt.it hurts.bad.seriously.i myself sometimes didn't understand why people suddenly behave like that; start talking bad about you behind your back. i tried to understand over and over again and i tried to reevaluate my actions and behaviors towards others.but i didn't find any light to guide me through to find the ultimate answer.

i had discussed this matter with my family and friends which i trust the most.they all said "Maybe it's because they're jealous of you".but i replied back to them "On what basis? i don't do any harm to them. in fact, i tried my best to help them."they're all just stunned.speechless.at the end, they kept saying,"Just be patient.They'll get what they deserve later".But i don't want something bad happen to one of my friends although he or she had done something bad to me.

i cried so many times over this matter. i just don't know how to react and respond. i felt helpless at times when it came to deal with this kind of problem. i keep on praying to God to help me.i just say to myself "It's just life.Just learn from it and continue on doing what you do best."

i try my very best to be a friend that anyone can rely on.i'll do whatever i can to preserve the friendship that i have made.although sometimes i need to tell lie and be fake.but i need to.coz i love my friends.

to all my friends, i love u guys dearly.the friendship that we have made will be cherished for the rest of my life.i'm lucky to have u guys as my friends.thank you.

lotsa love,
zaim

Saturday, August 23, 2008

latest update

hi.
welcome to another episode of a journey of a person named zaim.hehehe..sounds cheesy ha?yup it is.i can't deny it.just dun hve any specific things to write.maybe i'll update some things regarding my current life.

a)work. yes i am working now( for those who didn't read my last post).i am working in a kebab store.it's kinda bored at times but thinking about getting money at the end of it makes me work even harder .in fact, i need to work.this is all because of the rent of the house which i currently live in is very expensive and with my overspending habit and lack of knowledge in financial organization, i need to have more money.;)

b)uni.assignments keep coming in.i haven't started any one of them yet.hehe.yeah such a normal thing for me as i'm not a kind of person who starts doing my assignments as early as possible.but the thoughts of getting better grades for this semester somehow have pushed me a bit to be a bit more productive and effective.eventhough i hvnt started anything yet but i will.i have to.yes i am going to!

c)home.lately i miss home badly. i mean bad!.i keep on thinking about my parents and siblings. every night i'll have them in my dreams.huhu.sometimes it makes me want to burst into tears but i have to be strong.and i'll keep playing this thought over and over again inside my mind "ala, 2 tahun je, xlame.lgpun akhir tahun ni aq blik.lg 2 bulan je nk blik". if i can survive six months, how come i can't for only 2 months?.c'mon zaim.small matter la..

d)adjusting my life for next year.haha. currently i try to find a house for next year.hopefully i'll find one before i get back to malaysia.

there are lots of things that happened for the past one week but i'd rather keep it as a secret.hehe.mcm la bende tue private sgt. it's nothing la.basically that's all.hehe.

c ya again1

Friday, August 15, 2008

first day of work

today was my first day at work.i've been assigned to work in a shift starting at 11am to 3pm. it was very tiring as i can't sit for the whole 4 hours.i didn't eat before i went to work which made my "tiredness" overflowed to its maximum level.

what made me even more nervous today was i have been observed and evaluated by the general manager. i haven't met him before.he suddenly appeared from the back of the store and started teaching me on how to make a more proper kebab. i was so naive and started to follow each of his direction. but it was worth a time to hear him teaching on how to make the kebab. before this, not that i hadn't get the chance to learn how to make kebab but before this, i was not very sure.and now, i think i hve mastered the kebab making.yeay!

tomorrow i will have another shift. from 10-3pm. and right after that, i will have to rush to ekka for the last dance performance. it must be a tiring day again for me tomorrow.but it's life right!

till then,
bye peeps!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

of a happy and sad moment

salam to everyone.

yesterday was a happy and sad day for me.my emotions were juggling up and down.there were times where i felt so down and there were times where i felt so happy.here's the story:

the sad moment occurred at about 12pm.i was busy practicing with all the dancers for ekka which will be held later that evening.suddenly i received a message from my sis.she said that my grandmother had passed away. i was extremely shocked.my emotions were all mixed up. while i was in the midst of enjoying myself, i received such a tragic news which i myself couldn't possibly handle.being me, an emotional person, sometimes it's hard to predict what i'll be reacting.and at the moment i received the news, i didn't cry.yes,i didn't which i myself can't believe it. i dunno.maybe because of the mixed feelings that i had. but later, the emotions suddenly built up and i cried my first tear when i was about to start my dance part which is zapin.

i suddenly blame myself for not seeing my grandmother right before i flew to australia.i did see her but only for a short period of time. until this very second, i still have the image of her face right in front of my eyes and in my mind. i miss her.terribly.i feel like i want to fly back to malaysia but i couldn't afford the flight ticket.i miss her cooking.i miss to hear her laugh and see her smile.i just miss her.that's all.but what to do.it's fate. and it's Allah work and i, as a normal human being cannot challenge Allah's will.what i can do is just pray for her.hopefully she will be placed among all "orang2 beriman".amin.

the happy moment happened in the same day just a few hours after i received that tragic news. i finally got the chance to dance in front of other people. what makes me so happy and proud is that this is my first time doing that and surprisingly, i'm enjoying it.not for the fact that i favour being in the limelight but i just enjoy dancing and performing.and one more thing, i'll be performing againg this saturday.and i'll make sure this time should be much better.that's the spirit that i need to put forth.

~yesterday was a tough day for me yet i learned a lot from it.thank you Allah for giving me the opportunity to experience it.hopefully i'll be a better person in the future.

p/s: tomorrow i'll start working in a kebab store.wish me luck my dear readers!

the end



Monday, August 11, 2008

i love kids!

~ today was a big day for me. it was my first time going for a school visit in australia. i was so eager to go and observe and the most important part was i got the chance to see all those cute little faces.i love it!

i was sent to Ironside State School in St Lucia. i woke up a bit late though today but fortunately i didn't miss the bus.alhamdulillah. i arrived safely to the school at about 8.20am and went straight away to the office with my other 3 friends(acan,ayu and izy). we met with the deputy principal and she has conducted a small tour around the school. i was assigned by erika(my lovely lecturer) to observe a year 4 class. i met with the class teacher which is super duper nice. his name is terry edwinsmith. i think he is about 40+ years of age. he has this face that makes students feel easy to talk to him. and i felt the same way too.;)

i was introduced by mr edwinsmith to the class. they are very nice. the class is multiracial with a mix of australians, japanese, chinese, indonesians and malaysians too!.the class started right after mr terry introduced me with a morning talk prepared by 4 students. after that, they had a session where they learned how to write a letter.

i noticed a few major differences in this classroom compared to previous classrooms which i have experienced for the past couple of years when i was in primary and secondary school. they have a few breaks between the lessons. they have this one break called "fruit break" where the students will eat fruits that they bring from home. and after that, they will have their lunch break for about half an hour. compared to most of malaysian schools, they have only one break which i thought was a bit stressful. apart from that, the number of students in the classroom that i observed is only 24 but compared to most of malaysian classrooms, the number is ranging between 35-45 students. less number of students will give the teacher more time to be spent to the students directly. this was what i observed from the classroom where the teacher spent time with the students if they were not understanding the lesson taught.

it's enough i think. i feel as if i were to write an assignment.hahaha.anyways, i do enjoy the visit. a new experience for me.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

of curry puffs and "makan-makan"

yesterday, i went to ponny's house to help syefah with all the cooking needed for the qut mysa "makan-makan". Altho, frankly speaking, i didn't help that much, but the fact is i do help.hahaha.i helped to do the curry puffs.for your information, this is my first time doing the curry puffs. and i was put in a section where i need to do the "kelim" part which i think the most hardest and crucial part of all.scary huh?

but i managed to do it. with the help of my fellow friends (syefah~of course,jg,acan,ka,puteri n emy).altho emy and puteri were so tired because they were just coming back from work, but they still helped us with their tremendous effort of putting all those curry puffs together. but being human, there must be something unpredictable happening (we all know what was it) which i see as unforseen circumstances.and we dun blame at anyone for that simply because we are amateurs!.let me tell you that "circumstances" made the number of curry puffs decreased a bit.sorry syefah~

we had a good fun.it took us nearly 3 hours to finish up.and after that,we had our dinner.(thanks to syefah who didn't stop cooking from the minute she arrived n also to ponny who sponsored our dinner for that night). we watched tv together and left the house around 11pm.

today is the big day.the "makan-makan" by qut mysa. hopefully it will run smooth.n the most important part is hopefully no one will get a stomach ache just because of eating the curry puffs.let's pray for it!.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

finally...

the title says it all. finally, i did something which i waited for quite sometime which is to sing in a choir.yeay!. today, i started learning to sing in a choir after a long wait which made me sometimes a bit "nervous".yup. my first ever experience of singing in choir full of experienced musician and tremendous singers. i was so nervous and enthusiastic at the same time. yet the nervousness got control over me during the practice session. As i was singing, my voice started to shake.but i have to make a complement towards myself coz i managed to control the voice not to be heard out loud.hehehe.

but yeah, it was a hell of a good experience. i struggled a lot especially when it came to sing just by reading all the notes in the music scores. i dunno anything about those tiny little dots and a line with a twirl at the bottom or at the top of it.it was so funny as i needed to hear the person next to me sing in order for me to get the correct note.luckily that person was able to read those notes.and i managed to sing according to the notes in the music score. yeay!. but seriously i need to learn how to read it otherwise i will get stress out and left behind. i dun want that to be happening.

i basically learn something today. i know a bit about those music notes but i need to improve on my knowledge regarding that. can't wait for the next session!.

a hope is what i'm longing for.

hope.it's just a word. yet it does have a deeper meaning.and it is what i'm currently undergoing. i'm longing for hope.i just want some hope. a hope that can bring a more clearer path for me. a hope that can shed some light through out my years. yes, a hope is sometime "hopeless".but i'm in need of that. could you please lend me some hope?.just some hope.a bit is enough for me.yet i still have got none of it.

Friday, August 1, 2008

kemalasan melanda

i have started my new semester last week and still my level of "kemalasan" is at its highest level. i still haven't got the strive and determination to start this new semester. i feel lost. yes i am.lost.i was so "malas" until i feel like i want to quit studying.eh wait!. quit?.OMG. u r crazy!.yes i am. after thinking about it for several times. eh hello(tiru sufy), i have a contract with the government. if i were to quit studying, that means i have bridge the contract. and the most important part is i have to pay back all the money to the government.hahaha.where can i find that amount of money?.nk korek lubang hidung pun x jumpe.hahaha.

ok now let me tell all of you the subjects that i take during this semester which i think have caused me to feel a bit stress and of course "malas".
a) TESOL Methodology.the major subject in this sem.altho the lecturer seems a bit fun, yet i can't give full attention in class.plus the class starts early which means i have to wake up early.that really kills the mood!.
b)Excursions in Mathematical Reasoning.i love maths.i do.this subject is kinda interesting as it evolves around maths and reasoning.but the class in the afternoon.can't concentrate coz i will feel very sleepy.
c)Digital Media in Education.kinda interesting.but the class lasts for 3 hours and it is from 6pm-9pm.gosh!i am so cramped!
d)Introductory Ensemble.hahaha.my fav subject(i think). altho i havent started the class yet, but i think i will enjoy it.yeay finally i have the chance to join a choir team and this subject allows me to do that. and the most important part is i can do what i love to do.SINGING!

basically that's all the subject that i take this sem. and really i need help. i am so "malas".tq.

p/s: assignments start coming in and i need to do it fast but then again i am so "malas".